Do You Believe In You?
So I’m sitting here reading some of my old blog posts when it dawned on me, I don’t believe in me.
Yes I said that.
I do not believe in me.
What do you mean Roshini?
I’m glad you ask.
I have been writing online for over a decade and many of my older blog posts are good … dare I say great writing. Hmmm. I have never considered myself a great writer, but after reading great post after great post it dawned on me that I do not believe in myself nor do I believe that I am capable of my measure of success as a blogger, vlogger and social media extraordinaire. I also realized that I do not know my worth when it comes to the power of my voice and the brand I’ve created. A painfully honest realization but a necessary one.
If you had asked outright “Roshini, do you believe in you?” I would have sworn I was my biggest advocate, stuck my chest out and hollered a resounding “Of course I do!”, but inside I’m starting to realize that in my core … my deepest core … that I’m putting here on the interwebs for the world to see … I question myself daily to the point where I don’t think I’m “as good as” so many others who have … if we’re being honest … come after me and overtook me both as online authors and video creators.
Obviously managing diagnosed depression and caring for a special needs child does not help put me in the right mental space to develop healthy self esteem in this area. This is such a ridiculous and embarrassing revelation on my part but I am doing this post because I KNOW it will help someone.
Aaaand the first person it will help is me.
This post, this revelation and the public acknowledgement of it is so necessary. I recently completed the book The Drama of the Gifted Child
Ya’ll are used to my “braindump-a-minute-inside-my-head” type posts by now right? LOL
I thought it would be helpful to add a list of action items for the upcoming months to get my ball rolling over here. I may come back and update the list but for now here goes:
In 2014 I will
- start charging for things that I create that are of value
- invest in myself and my endeavors
- not question my ideas, decide and do
- take myself seriously
- remain transparent and share my journey
So now I’ll pose the same question to you hoping that you’ll stop, think, and answer honestly from your core and not out of defensive rote custom.
Do you believe in you? Let me know in the comments below and, if not, what are you going to do about it?
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini π€β¨π€
4 Comments
Judy Charlotte
I feel the same way. I guess that’s the writer’s curse. There are days that we hate ourselves and what we write even if they’re good enough for others. It sucks.
glamazini
Judy, if you had asked me if I was a “writer” I would have answered “no”. HUH?!! I’ve written over 2,000 blog post in the past decade! Silly Roshini.
BigTickles
Nope, I don’t believe in myself and I own it. It is because of a mistake I made in my past that I have not been able to forgive myself … until recently. However, trusting myself is now a daily process. I cannot make yearly, monthly or even weekly goals because if I go off course, I throw the rest of the days away. I am now on a day-by-day basis. I give myself daily goals (actually a goal every 2 hours) to build myself up. If I fail, I just wait until the next 2 hours and start again. Usually, if I go off track one day (usually weight loss), I just throw the whole week / month away. So, now I am on baby steps.
I also realized that my struggle for self-worth is not physically but mental / emotional. The Bible goes say that our biggest battles will be spiritual. My pastor, in his wisdom, has talked about emotional and mental health for the entire month of January. He referenced how it says the devil will send legions..not just one or two..but legions to attack your mind through doubt, depression, anxiety, etc… Once you get over one battle, another one pops up. I believe this; I am living through this.
However, I am worth the fight, worth the struggle. This is my season. Someone said that “I am preparing myself for something I have never seen”; that something is me.
On another note —
I sent your and your husband two books that I hope will help you as you enter the school age process. By federal law, if any child is defined as having a disability, they have access to free therapies (OT, Speech, PT) through the school district (regardless of income) starting at the age of 3. I was able to get my son free OT and Speech through the county (regardless of income) because of his disability. He was even able to attend Easter Seals when he was 18 months (free of charge) and an inclusive school district preschool (free of charge) when he turned 3. However, you must have a plan together, cover all your basis because sometimes many will try to prey on your lack of knowledge. Also, my state / county / city lists were long! I was lucky to run into another parent who told me how and when to apply. So, it was on my heart to send the books to you. I am actually not sure if you have them or not. I am not even sure if you are already on this path already but I hope it will bless you or someone else.
glamazini
Thanks for sending the books, we’ll look out for them.