Dear Transportation Security Administration,
You didn’t mess up my hair like I asked you not to. Thank you.
… I would like to point out some “aughts” and/discrepancies noticed during my trip to Mexico this past weekend.
I knew I was going to set off the metal detectors because of the 12 million bobby pins holding my hair in place, and I accepted that. Truth be told, I was hoping ya’ll woulda just went ahead and put me in the full body X-ray machine so I could put my hands over my head and shimmy* a bit and go about my merry way. BUT, right as I was approaching during my departing flight, ya’ll closed the X-ray machine and diverted my line to the metal detector.
Why you do that? 😐
As expected, I BEEEEEEEEPED and got pulled to the side for a pat down. I had read your guidelines on what to expect, and the TSA officer did exactly that, so kudos to her. I chose not to go into a room because I was in a rush and knew it was my bobby pins. The officer doing my pat down was a black woman so she felt me up as expected, did a gentle squeeze of my bun, said “bobby pins” then let me go.
All was well.
Now, on my way back from Mexico that was a different story. I had to clear the TSA area TWICE, once leaving Mexico and once leaving Atlanta. I set off the alarm both times (as expected because both were metal detectors), and had to be felt up once more (in Atlanta).
This is where my aughts come in:
- Someone may or may not need to be more thorough in their checking of bags for liquids. That’s all I’m gonna say about that. 😐
- The TSA agents in Atlanta were CLOWNING behind the machines, LOUD, cracking jokes, making fun of people with candles or liquids in their bags etc. Basically not making me feel safe. I love my people, AND I love a good joke session but really? Seriously? Not the time or the place.
- I set off the metal detector in Atlanta, and a male TSA agent SHOUTED across the area “I’ll DO IT!” #sayWhat #whoSayWhatNinja. My husband had to hem him up right quickly and tell him to SAT all the way down. What in the world?! Get it together fool.
- In Atlanta, I’m figuring a black woman is going to do my pat down again since all I’ve see is black people complaining about chipping nails, offering to feel me up, joking, carousing, hanging off the machines and that sort of thing … but no, the stanchiest serious looking white lady walks out and takes me to the side. 😐 In stark contrast to her counterparts, ole girl didn’t laugh, didn’t even smile #gulp. At one point she asked where I was from, and I said “St. Louis, GO CARDINALS!” and she looked up at me and snarled #yikes. I eventually learned she thought I’d said something in a different language, potentially about smuggling candles into the country. Anyhoo … this heffa did the pat down just like the previous lady in St. Louis, BUT she went WAY LOWER in my waistline than the 1st chick … like heffa dang say what buy me dinner first sheesh! Then this was the coup de grâce … she hit me in the secret place REALLY HARD with the side of her hand! HEFFA DANG COME AGAIN OUCH DON’T MAKE ME STOMP YOU IN THIS TRANSPORTATION SECURITY AREA!!!!
- My last aught with this gestapo looking TSA chick from #4 is that she squeezed my bun (hair not tush, which was fine), pushed it and pulled it (fine), started lifting parts of it (HEFFAAAAAAAA), then moved a few bobby pins so they were then poking me in the cranium and I had to readjust them later. Then she had the nerve to say “I won’t make you take this down”. Uh … heff heff … I know you will NOT! #GlamazinionTheNews.
You my white friend get a black girl THUMBS DOWN all out failure. O.U.C.H. When I left you I had an aching crotch and cranium. #boo
At any rate, my style is still on my head and that’s what I asked for correct? Next time I’ll be more specific in my demands. Beyond that I was freezing the entire trip back, so not I’m battling a slight cold and sore throat, but that’s not the TSA’s doing so …
* © TCC
Disclosure: I paid for my hair style (pictured) and flights with my own money. For more information about the Glamazini.com disclosure policy, click here.