How to Grieve the Life You Expected (and Create Something New)

Sometimes, life throws us curveballs that have us looking at our vision boards like, "Maaaaaaaaan, this is NOT what I ordered." 😩 And you know what? That's exactly where so many of us find ourselves right now – grieving the life we thought we'd have while trying to figure out what's next.

Here's the thing though – as someone who's been there (and chile, have I been there 🫠) and as someone who helps other women navigate this exact journey, I want you to know something: this "detour" might just be your redirection to something even better.

Let me break it down for you.

Allow yourself to feel

First things first, you've got to feel your feelings. I'm talking about ALL of them. That anger when your Instagram feed is full of people living your dream life? Feel it. That sadness when you realize things aren't going according to plan? Feel that too. Trying to skip over these emotions is like trying to skip base before you put on a relaxer. Tis gonna hurt. 😩 It might feel easier in the moment, but it's not doing you any favors in the long run (and your scalp gonna be good and burnt 🤷🏽‍♀️).

Practice self-compassion

Now, let me tell you something about self-compassion because this right here. This is where my Black and West Indian women especially need to lean in. We come from a culture of "just push through it" and "you're too blessed to be stressed," but listen – being gentle with yourself isn't a weakness. It's wisdom. Talk to yourself like you're talking to your best friend going through a rough patch. You wouldn't tell her she's being dramatic or needs to get over it, right? So why are you talking to yourself like that? From now on, talk nice to you. Don't let yourself disrespect you. You deserve kind words as you navigate life's transition too.

Journal

Before you roll your eyes (I saw that! 👀), hear me out. This isn't about writing dear diary entries – unless that's your thing, then do you, boo. This is about brain-dumping all those thoughts, keeping you up at 3 AM. Not a writer? Grab your phone and record voice notes. The point is to get it out of your head so you can make sense of it. Trust me, there's power in seeing your journey on paper (or in your voice notes). Personally, I've been known to keep a video journal because that's my jam.

Seek Support

I cannot stress this enough – you need your people. And I don't mean the ones who'll just tell you what you want to hear. I'm talking about the ones who'll hold space for you to be a mess AND remind you of who you are when you forget. Whether that's your girls, a therapist, or yes, even a life coach (hey there! 😉), don't try to be strong by doing this alone. The strongest thing you can do is reach out. Strong women are supported women.

Explore new interests

Now, here's where it gets fun – because yes, even in this season, we can find joy. It's time to explore, to try those things you've been putting off because they didn't fit into your "perfect plan." Take that dance class. Start that side hustle. Learn to make your grandma's famous rum cake. Every new experience is adding tools to your toolkit. Plus, honestly, you've probably been putting off a lot of the good parts, waiting for the perfect time. There is no perfect time sis, go! Live now!

Set small, achievable goals

Small wins? We celebrate those around here! Because listen, transformation isn't about these huge, dramatic changes. It's about those small, consistent steps that add up to something major. Did you get out of bed today when you didn't want to? That's a win. Did you finally send that email you've been dreading? Pop the champagne, sis! (Or sparkling cider – we don't judge here.) Break down those big, lofty aspirations into smaller, manageable tasks that you can accomplish daily or weekly. Big goals are achieved through small, intentional, consistent actions. Celebrate any small victories to build momentum and boost your confidence.

Volunteer or give back

Sometimes the best way to heal yourself is to help someone else. I'm not saying to ignore your own journey, but there's something powerful about taking the focus off your own situation for a minute. Find causes or organizations that align with your values and offer your time, skills, or resources. Helping others can provide a sense of purpose, boost self-esteem, and offer a new perspective on your own challenges. It can also be a great way to meet like-minded people and expand your social network, all of which just happen to be the building blocks of a new and beautiful life you may never have expected.

Create a mini vision board

And please, please, PLEASE create that vision board. But here's the twist – make it flexible. Leave space for God to surprise you. Because sometimes the life you couldn't even imagine turns out better than the one you planned. I love a good vision board for ... well ... visualizing. Gather images, quotes, and symbols representing your new goals and aspirations. Arrange them on a board or do it digitally, then place your board where you can see it every day. Seeing your vision can help you clarify what you want, maintain focus, and serve as a source of inspiration during difficult times.

Practice embracing change

Change is gonna come whether you're ready or not. But you get to decide how you'll meet it. Will you resist it and stay stuck? Or will you flow with it and see where it takes you? The choice is yours. 🌊🏄🏽‍♀️ The only constant is change. Practice viewing this season as a period of transition and an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Be open to new experiences and possibilities that you may not have considered before. Remember that some of life's most beautiful chapters can emerge from unexpected changes and challenges.

Look, I know this isn't easy. If it was, we wouldn't be here having this conversation. But I also know this: you are stronger than you think, more resilient than you know, and capable of creating something beautiful from this moment. And you don't have to do it alone.

Keep showing up for yourself. Keep doing the work. And most importantly, keep believing in the possibility of what's next. Because sis? Your next chapter might just be your best one yet. ✨

With love & light, ✨
Ini 🍍👑

Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach, special needs mom, and content creator. She is a black woman healing, creating humor-filled healing spaces so other black women can heal, too.

Roshini's YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/glamazini

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