Stop being the strong friend.

As a black West Indian mother, content creator, and coach for black and West Indian women on their healing journeys, I recently shared some deep insights about why being the "strong friend" might be destroying you - and what you can do about it.

In my recent Find Your Light Live session, I opened up about my own journey as a recovering "strong friend." For years, I was that person who appeared to have it all together, the one everyone turned to for support, the steady voice of wisdom in times of crisis. I projected an image of being incredibly resilient, handling difficult situations with grace, and always being there to listen and offer advice.

But here's the truth I've learned through my healing journey: this pattern often stems from never feeling safe in our primary relationships. During a recent therapy session, I had a profound realization about why I became the strong friend. I never felt emotionally safe in my family of origin, and as a result, I learned to manage others' emotions as a way to create my own sense of safety.

The cost of maintaining this role is substantial. As a recovering strong friend, I can tell you that it leads to burnout, both physically and emotionally. We internalize our struggles, viewing vulnerability as weakness rather than a natural part of human connection. We create a paradox where we provide safe spaces for everyone else while never feeling truly safe ourselves.

But there's hope for change. Through my own healing work, I've learned the importance of building trust with yourself first. This means learning to recognize and honor your own emotional needs rather than constantly deferring to others. It means developing clear boundaries and understanding that true strength isn't about being unshakeable – it's about being flexible, authentic, and willing to receive support as well as give it.

One of my biggest revelations came during therapy when we explored the concept of "safe enough." Rather than viewing safety as an absolute state, I'm learning to recognize people and spaces that are safe enough for me to gradually open up and share my true self. This starts with defining what safety means for us personally and understanding our own patterns of connection and withdrawal.

If you're resonating with this message, I want you to know that you deserve to have spaces where you can be soft, receptive, and supported. That's why I've created the Pineapple Crown membership, a healing space specifically for Black and West Indian women. Our 14-day Friendship Challenge is launching this Sunday, where we'll dive deeper into these concepts and work together to create healthier relationship patterns.

Remember, you don't have to sacrifice yourself to be valuable in your relationships. You can move from being the strong friend to being the safe friend - safe for yourself first, and then for others. It's time to stop showing up as the strong friend, the strong employee, the strong spouse, or the strong black woman. You can be soft. You can be receptive. You can be safe and supported.

Ready to create safer spaces for yourself? Choose between personalized 1:1 coaching or group coaching. Let's work together to help you find balance and authentic strength.

Note: This is from my Find Your Light Live session. Join me every Friday on youtube.com/glamazini for more conversations about healing and growth. Oh, and download your free gift before you go. 🫶🏽🥰🎁