Living From A Place of Fear
Edited in 2019 to add:
Someone recently pointed out that they found me because of this post and all I can say is WOW! so much has changed since I first published this.
⨠For starters, I have a coaching community of women aimed at growth on Facebook
⨠I started a group coaching program and it’s getting rave reviews!. đ¤¸đžââď¸
⨠I’m currently a life coach (which you can find out more about here) and reading this post was trĂŠ interesting but it was also written EIGHT years ago so I’d say it’s a testement to the work I’ve done and growth.
I’m grateful. đ
And now your regularly scheduled post…
I was told last week that I was “living from a place of fear” and trust me, I was taken aback to say the least. Â The context is quick: I was in my therapist office near the end of a visit, explaining why I wouldn’t/couldn’t do something (I don’t recall exactly what). Â He then retorts matter-o-factly “oh, that’s because you are living from a place of fear”.
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Well dang.
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Drats. 
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I pride myself on being “fearless” and “fear free” and liberated and whatever else means I’m sans fear. I even wear a ring that says “Fear Not”. Â No really, I do, see:
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Aw drats. 
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Anyhoo, I then went on to point out that I was wearing said ring and it was not working, mostly in my usual “joke to lighten the mood” way. Â My therapist chuckled but the topic still remained. Â The mood was not lightened in my head.Â
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I’m not gonna make this too long a post, although I know you all realize I’ve been doing more true “journaling” on my blog of late in my journey toward “life, liberty & the pursuit of nappyness” touted daily in the header. Â Liberty huh? Â It’s defined as:
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lib¡er¡ty
[lib-er-tee] ânoun, plural -ties.
1. freedom from arbitrary or despotic government or control.2. freedom from external or foreign rule; independence.3. freedom from control, interference, obligation, restriction,hampering conditions, etc.; power or right of doing, thinking,speaking, etc., according to choice.Â
a. free from captivity or restraint.b. unemployed; out of work.c. free to do or be as specified
Honestly I cannot argue with the man’s assessment because I know that there are places of fear that I hold that I can’t even articulate (hence purchasing a ring reminding me not to fear almost 7 years ago).
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More on this later but in my pursuit of liberty and freedom from bondage I thought I’d share. Â I don’t have some big “what I’ve learned” revelation to share just yet … but it’s a process.
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Thanks for visiting.
Life, Liberty & The Pursuit of Nappyness,
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Edited to add:
Huge revelation: I don’t want the life I’m living. Now hear me out. I am blessed beyond what I deserve, but I am not where I want to be living my authentic life at this age. I’m just not. There are glimmers of me (as is expected) but otherwise I just meandered down the midwestern river with the rest of the folks into a default life and lately (well longer than lately) I been like “How did I get here? 
“. The bare truth is I would change somethings in my life in a heartbeat and I’ve been stuck. Why? I realized it’s because I have a “permission-based” psychology. By that I mean it’s almost like I’ve been waiting for someone to give me the ok to make certain changes. 
 On top of that, I’ve also allowed others to tell me I can’t change certain aspects directly or indirectly and … well … I’ve complied to their commands.
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wow huh? 
Well you live, you learn, you grow and you can’t “unknow” what you know. Now I know this. Â I choose not to beat myself up for allowing it to occur all these years and move forward. Not sure where forward is but I’m moving there.Â
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Or maybe I’ve been watching too much Oprah? Â Â (see there’s that mood-lifting joke again)
Stay tuned. 
Roshini Cope
Roshini Cope, aka Glamazini, is a life coach and video creator who gained a following for her natural hair tutorials, which evolved into authentic personal stories of healing with a consistent dash of humor. She is a black woman healing helping other black women heal, expand their self-awareness, reclaim their joy, and create the life they want. Work with Roshini đ¤â¨đ¤
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14 Comments
Stephanie
Thank you for sharing this. I have been feeling the same way lately. I haven’t wanted to admit to being unhappy with where I am in life out of fear of being seen as ungrateful. It has been liberating to admit this to myself and people close to me but now I am even more fearful because I need to start making changes. I want change but I am fearful of the unknown.
Mikimu
I also want to say thank you for sharing such a personal aspect of your life. I read your blog regularly and especially enjoy your “hair musings”. While I do not revel in the fact that you have this issue, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that lives in this place. The fear I have is upsetting people that I love. For this there is a hefty price. I spend so much of my time trying to tip-toe around and spare the feelings of others that I am always miserable. It sounds as easy as “just say what’s on your mind” or “tell people how you feel”, but it’s definitely not that easy for me. I know this about myself and have diligently tried to change this; however, when my mom says something negative or hurtful to me, I shrink up inside myself and just let it pass. I guess over the years, I have adapted. I am at a place now where I am sick and tired of being afraid to let people know how I feel. So forward I go….thanks for the nudge I needed!
p.s….I know this wasn’t a therapy session, but I appreciate being able to vent this here :0)
Marie
I SO get this Roshini!!! Please keep writing posts like this, as you figure things out.
Lisa
This right here? Tabernacle! Thanks for the insight. Right.On.Time!
BTMW
I am very interested in seeing what more you write about this. After being absolutely miserable with my life for what I realized was almost a decade, I made some big changes last fall. I didn’t know if they would get me exactly where I wanted to go and am still not sure, and sometimes kick myself for “stepping out on faith”. But I am remaining prayerful and connected to that spirit in me that told me I could live a life that was better than miserable. So we’ll see where life ends up…
Thanks for sharing.
Jo-Ann
I TOTALLY relate to this (especially the edit). Thank you for sharing Ini.
BEULUV
“Not sure where forward is but I’m moving there.” -Glamazini This rang so true with me. And I will be using this. Love it! Thank you so much for sharing!
hair-make-up.net
Great post.
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“HAIR & MAKE-UP: IMPROVING THE WORLD’S APPEARANCE”
Beauty School
Cool ring – I have one that says “We are the hero of our story.”
Erica
Girl, this could be a page from my journal. I totally get where you’re coming from! I appreciate your willingness to share. Know that you have a “sister” in this journey out of fearfulness.
4evame
Thank you SO much for this!!!
This right HERE is what got me so emotional:
“I realized it’s because I have a “permission-based” psychology. By that I mean it’s almost like I’ve been waiting for someone to give me the ok to make certain changes. On top of that, I’ve also allowed others to tell me I can’t change certain aspects directly or indirectly and … well … I’ve complied to their commands.”
That right THERE is what I have been dealing with, and I have been praying and fighting so hard to get over that hurdle. One day and one step at a time is what I say.
You are so much my friend in my head, as I’ve told you before, and I’m happy to know you got that revelation. I wish you much more clarity in your journey to….whatever it is you are looking for.
Big hugs.
Angimitch84
I understand where you are coming from with this post! I have let others who I think have more wisdom guide me thru life. I have realized that although its good to listen to their ideas, ultimately the decision is mine and I pray that God gives me my own wisdom thru my experiences and discern what is best for me. I love your posts! Be blessed thru your journey!
glamazini
Thanks for the comments everyone! đ
Julie Seruto
Good post!