What I Do When I’m Depressed 😔 (Ways I Manage Depression)

In this post, I share the non-therapy, non-medication methods I employ to manage my major depressive disorder (MDD). I refer to “managing,” not curing, because I’ve been diagnosed with MDD twice, 25 years ago and again two months ago, so I am still successfully living with it. I am, however, effectively managing it and have made significant strides in improving my well-being which I will share with you below.

What is Depression?

Major depressive disorder (MDD) is a diagnosed mood disorder. You must meet at least five of the nine criteria listed in the DSM-5, the diagnostic manual psychology professionals use. It’s crucial to differentiate between feeling sad and experiencing clinical depression. Sadness is akin to weather fluctuations, while depression is more akin to the climate. Like the climate, depression is pervasive, affecting your overall experience, unlike transient moments of sadness.

Depression can result from various factors, including biological, psychological, and social, or any combination of them all. This is why there is no one-size-fits-all treatment. Self-discovery plays a significant role in identifying the best strategies for each individual.

My Depression Journey

I grew up in the Virgin Islands and learned later in therapy that I was dissociated for most of my upbringing. My college years in Pennsylvania were marked by numerous losses of loved ones and culture shock, and the first time I realized I was not okay. I suffered through college, turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Post-college, I recognized the need for help and spoke to my primary care physician, who referred me to a psychiatrist. The prescribed medication was my initial foray into treating depression, but I did not like how it made me feel, so after a few months, I stopped taking it. I’ve also been in talk therapy on and off for the past two decades.

Medication

If you believe you may be depressed, a comprehensive physical examination is crucial, as some medical problems can mimic depression symptoms. Medication can effectively manage vegetative symptoms and raise the baseline level of depression, but it is not the whole solution. Ultimately, medication will only alleviate symptoms and not teach you the learnable and most impactful preventative tools and skills.

Therapy

Therapy is one of my favorite things. To learn to manage depression effectively, it’s important to approach therapy as a means to acquire practical skills that you can apply in your daily life rather than simply venting about your issues. Therapists are a valuable resource for reality-checking and introducing new coping strategies you might not know.

If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts, persistent feelings of hopelessness, or lack of support, reach out to a number or website below:

Please call: In the U.S.
call 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline)
call 1-800-273-8255

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

For Hearing and Speech Impaired with TTY Equipment:
1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, PLEASE CALL 911

SuicidePreventionLifeline.org/

http://SuicideHotlines.com/

SuicideHotlines.com/national.html

Warning signs: Suicide Warning Signs

Outside of US, please contact your local emergency number.

WAYS I MANAGE MY DEPRESSION

In the same challenging situation, two individuals can have drastically different reactions—one might struggle with depression, while the other does not. Research has indicated that depression prevention skills are not inherent but teachable and learnable, highlighting the importance of acquiring these skills. Furthermore, when parents experience depression and do not model healthier coping strategies, their children are more likely to develop similar struggles, emphasizing the intergenerational impact of mental health education and awareness.

Validate that the depression is valid

The first and most crucial step in managing my depression was learning to validate its existence. I struggled with self-doubt for years because I couldn’t pinpoint why I felt down. It often seemed like everyone else was thriving while I was stuck in a never-ending rut. But here’s the truth, folks: depression is often a valid response to the situations we find ourselves in. I understood that my tendency to dissociate and paint an overly rosy picture of my past was a coping mechanism that kept me from addressing past traumas. I had blocked out the darker moments, focusing solely on the happy ones. This distorted perception created internal turmoil. The turning point was learning to recognize that feeling low in response to challenging situations is okay. It’s like acknowledging your car’s “check engine” light, signaling that something in your life needs attention. So, the first thing I did was validate my feelings, and I encourage you to do the same because your depression is a message from within urging you to address something in your life that may be … well … validly depressing.

Stick to my routine

The second key to managing my depression is sticking to my routine. In the non-low moments, I set up a daily routine with repetitive elements that keep me grounded. This consistency has been my lifeline for years. When I feel depressed, unstructured time only exacerbates it. With my pre-established plan, I have a clear path to follow. It’s like an anchor that prevents me from drifting too far into the abyss. I start by ensuring my son gets on the school bus; then, I focus on self-care, from doing my hair and makeup to taking a walk and tidying the kitchen. You can even keep a self-care box filled with notes of encouragement, mementos, and favorite items to turn to when you need a mood boost.

Check in on my diet

The third thing I do is check on what I’m eating. What I eat profoundly impacts my mood and overall well-being. My dietary journey has taken me from being a gluten-free enthusiast to adopting a ketogenic diet, and the changes I experienced were nothing short of astonishing. Transitioning to a low-carb, high-healthy-fat diet with many vegetables significantly improved my mental state. In just three weeks, it was as if a switch had been flipped in my brain. I recall asking my husband if this was how everyone’s brain functioned, realizing that I had unknowingly lived with the brain fog induced by sugar and carbohydrates throughout my adulthood. Everyone’s body reacts differently to foods, so the key is to experiment and listen to your own body. Try eliminating or introducing food components individually and see how they affect you. Don’t make drastic changes overnight, but rather ease into them to find what works best for your own body and mind.

Check-in on my sleep/rest

In a dedicated video and post, I recently delved deep into this topic, sharing a treasure trove of tips to help you sleep better. I take my sleep very seriously for many reasons, including how it affects my mood. If you want to improve your sleep, please watch my previous video and read the post.

Move/Exercise

I know it’s not what you want to hear when you’re wrapped up like a burrito in bed, but to manage your depression, you gotta move your body. You might want to stay cocooned in bed, but hear me out. Movement is a potent weapon against depression. Why? There are countless reasons, but one of the simplest is that it triggers the release of those feel-good hormones in your body. I hate being the bearer of this exercise advice when people seek depression help because I know how hard it can be. The truth remains: you’ve got to move. That’s a start, even if you can only manage a few slow laps around your living room. You might have a treadmill, a neighborhood to stroll in, or a Zumba class to attend. Heck, you can even dance in your kitchen. If you’ve been paying for a gym membership but haven’t gone in ages, commit to showing up. Search for workout routines on YouTube and follow along. The key is to do anything that gets your body moving and be as consistent as possible. Just yesterday, I was at the gym at 8 in the morning. I move my body as a preventative measure against depression.

Do one thing

If you’re drowning in depression and think you can’t move, cocooned in your room, surrounded by chaos, deep in the throes of depression, and you’re reading this post, make a promise to yourself. Get up, shower, get dressed (no need to get fancy, just put on clean clothes), and see how it makes you feel. You don’t have to conquer it all at once, but do that one thing and see how you feel.

Deliberate light exposure

The next step in my depression management toolkit is light therapy using a light box or soaking up natural sunshine. As a morning ritual, I preemptively switch on my lightbox when I step into my office, and it bathes my workspace with its mood-lifting glow most mornings until early afternoon. Additionally, I make it a point to experience intentional sun exposure daily. Every morning, for about 5 to 10 minutes as early as I can manage, I head outside and sit in the sunlight, letting it touch my skin and penetrate my eyes. In my previous talk about sleep, I highlighted the benefits of this practice in improving sleep quality, and it also has a significant impact on elevating your mood.

If you find yourself deep in the pit, cocooned in your burrito of despair, and you muster the energy to get up, shower, and dress, push yourself to go that one extra step – sit outside in the sun. Expose as much skin as comfortably possible while remaining appropriate lol. I swear by this simple but powerful technique.

Pay attention to what triggered the depression.

I pay close attention to what might have triggered a specific bout of depression. Now, if you’re struggling with pervasive, chronic depression, I understand, and I’ve been there, too. But you’ll see a shift as you start incorporating these strategies gradually. If someone had told me this back in the day, I’d have thought they were talking nonsense, believing my depression was unshakable and unique. However, from my vantage point at 47 years old, with a double diagnosis of major depressive disorder, I can assert that these tactics can make a difference over time. By paying attention to what triggers your depression, you can work towards preventing future episodes. Remember, depression, along with all your feelings, is like an indicator on the dashboard of your life. They aren’t you and shouldn’t be steering the wheel. Your check engine light isn’t meant to drive your car; you are. Depression signals something amiss – perhaps something biological, like your sleep pattern or dietary choices. I’ve learned through personal experience that consuming carbs and sugar can send me spiraling into low moods and joint pain. I now understand this correlation in my body, so I no longer think, “What’s wrong with me?” I think, “Oh, I ate something that triggered this.” Depression could also be triggered by psychological factors, such as unresolved trauma or a social encounter that rubs you the wrong way. By identifying these triggers, you gain the power to create a toolbox of strategies to pull yourself out of the darkness when it attempts to descend. It’s all about taking charge and understanding how these factors influence your mood. I didn’t always possess this clarity, but I have built it over time.

Don’t drink alcohol

I steer clear of alcohol when I’m depressed. Alcohol can trigger the same neurological and biological responses as depression in your brain and body. It’s a common escape route for those with depression, but alcohol is like sipping on “depression juice.” It might seem like a quick fix to unwind, but it can quickly lead to a downward spiral. I’ve learned through personal experience that indulging in alcohol when I’m feeling low isn’t worth it. I’d rather keep my spirits high and my mood in check. So, I cut off alcohol if I’m sensing the blues creeping in. It’s a simple but effective step in maintaining a stable mood and preventing unnecessary mood swings.

Connect with others/Seek & allow support

Depression has this sneaky way of making you believe something is wrong with you, and it’s easy to fall into the isolation trap. Especially for those of us who lean towards perfectionism, we feel so low that we don’t want to burden anyone with our troubles. You only want others to see you when you’re at your best. Establishing intentional connections with people who truly know and accept every facet of you is imperative. I’ve been blessed with remarkable friends who know the entire spectrum of my being, including my moments of struggle. When I’m starting to feel any lowered mood, I have a few trusted individuals I can reach out to. They don’t ask questions; they just dive right in with support. One of the strategies I use to manage my depression is to tap into this pre-built support system. It means being vulnerable enough to open up to people who’ve proven their trustworthiness. Only some people qualify for this level of intimacy, though. Not everyone is worthy of your trust. Find or create a community of like-minded individuals who understand what you’re going through. If you don’t have such a network, seek it out – there are many incredible online communities. For instance, I h o s t a free coaching community on Facebook called “Find Your Light,” a safe space for over 800 Black women. Supporting each other should be a two-way street; don’t just ask for help without offering help in return. It’s a reciprocal support system. We aren’t designed to navigate this journey alone.

Do something expressive and/or fun

Another powerful tool in managing my depression is intentionally engaging in something expressive or fun. I believe that expression is the antidote to depression. I made this connection several years ago and have held onto it. If you break down the word “depress,” you’ll find that it means to shrink down or lessen, while “express” involves expanding, opening up, and releasing. Depression often leaves you feeling like you’ve been silenced, unable to speak up or speak your truth, and sometimes, this is linked to the situations I mentioned earlier – toxic environments, unhealthy relationships, or traumatic experiences. One of the most valuable steps I’ve taken to combat depression is to engage in something that allows me to express myself. My chosen form of expression is speaking on camera. I thrive in front of the camera and love sharing my thoughts and insights. It’s one of my preferred ways to express myself. However, there are countless other creative and expressive outlets available to explore.

For instance, I keep a journal and write in it daily, filling it with affirmations and reflections. I even have three “feeling wheels” on my wall to help me pinpoint and express my emotions. Try making a collage or taking photographs for those who prefer a visual medium. Paint, draw, color, or sketch your heart out. You can create music, write songs, or dance around your kitchen. Whether taking up a dance class, crafting a poem, or experimenting with any other form of self-expression, find what resonates with you. Each act of expression has the potential to open doors to your emotional well-being.

I encourage anyone living with depression to discover their unique form of self-expression. Whether you share it with others or keep it private is up to you. The key is to find an expressive outlet that resonates with your soul because expression can uplift and illuminate your life.

Reality Checking ~ Fact vs. Feeling

Now, let’s delve into shifting our mindset.

The myth that old dogs can’t learn new tricks has been debunked. Neurons in your brain are constantly forging new connections, and the more you engage in intentional rewiring, the more you can reshape your thought patterns and perspectives. I don’t know about you, but to me this was GREAT NEWS!! This is the foundation of your transformation – with time, effort, and consistency, you can rewire your mind. You might not even realize it, but through your journey, you’re actively rewiring your brain toward your future, a dark one or a bright one, you choose.

I understand what I’m about to share might stir up some emotions, but I intend to nudge you toward a brighter path. This is your lifeline, so bear with me.

First on our journey to mental transformation is a reality check.

When you’re mired in the depths of depression, it’s easy to believe that you and the depression are the same. I’ve been there, and it took dedication to differentiate myself from the darkness. It’s crucial to recognize that depression merely describes your mood, not your entire being. This separation is the first step. You are not your depression. Your depression is separate from you; treat it that way.

The second reality check involves understanding that depression is an indicator on the dashboard of your life. When the depression light flickers on, it’s not driving your life, just indicating that something needs to be addressed. Take the common feeling of “none of this matters” as an example. Instead of accepting it as an undeniable truth, ask yourself whether it’s a fact or a feeling. It’s essential to challenge the lies depression feeds you. For instance, your presence here, reading this post, matters – it matters to you, it matters to me, and it matters to countless other women who can learn to navigate life, thrive, and manage their depression with this knowledge. Your life holds significance, and recognizing this introduces you to your power.

Question my thoughts ~ attributional style

Attributional style is all about the lens through which you view the world.

For example, Optimists tend to view life through hopeful eyes, while pessimists often opt for a hopeless or negative perspective. Although vastly simplified, let this serve as a basic example of attributional style: your fundamental outlook on life.

I’ve undertaken the transformative process of changing my attributional style.

When depressed, your attributional style often gravitates towards the spectrum’s lowest, most pessimistic end. Initially, this shift might seem challenging; however, your path to freedom starts by asking yourself some honest questions.

Q: Do you tend to perceive situations as permanent or changeable?

People who lean towards depression often view circumstances as unchanging and fixed. It’s a mindset that can keep us feeling stuck. Adopt a growth mindset, acknowledging the potential for change, growth, and improvement. Everything is subject to change, and understanding this truth can be transformative. Picture a life where you comprehend that you have the power to take control, overcome your difficulties, and manage your depression effectively. You live in the story you tell yourself, so your narrative shapes your reality. If you choose to rewrite that narrative with possibility and agency, it’s the first step in creating more joy and the life you desire. Surround yourself with people who share this expansive mindset rather than returning to those who contributed to your depressive state. Seek communities that inspire you to tell a different story.

Q: Do you perceive situations as global or local?

People with global thinking patterns are more prone to depression than those with localized thinking. Global thinking often involves overgeneralizing, sweeping conclusions based on limited information, and catastrophizing. For example, if you had a negative experience in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, instead of thinking, “he sucks,” you start thinking, “men suck.” That is a global thought that is not anchored in reality or the reality of what you experienced. In a cruel twist of fate, this type of thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as you begin attracting men that suck in the story you’ve chosen to tell yourself.

To effectively manage your depression, it’s vital to challenge these global thought patterns and consider more localized perspectives. For instance, you might text a friend, not receive an immediate response, and conclude that nobody wants to be your friend or that something is wrong with you. In reality, that specific friend might simply be busy. Localizing your thinking shifts your focus from global assumptions to specific, context-aware reasoning. This perspective allows you to ask questions and begin to break free from depression-inducing thoughts. It’s about recognizing that the world is not ending, and the scenarios you imagine often differ significantly from reality.

Global thinkers, like myself in the past, often struggled with problem-solving because they lacked the specific, granular thinking required to tackle complex challenges. For example, consider being asked how to take a shower. Most depressed individuals would provide a general, vague response like “wet yourself, lather up, rinse off.” However, efficient problem-solving like that necessary to get you from point A to point B to point C in your life necessitates detailed, step-by-step thinking akin to providing an explanation to an alien from outer space. So, if you’re feeling stuck in life, maybe your problem-solving just isn’t granular enough, so you keep giving up and saying it’s impossible when there’s more to it than just “wet yourself, lather up, rinse off.” You need to break down your challenges into granular steps to open doors you swore were locked. Remember, you’re not stuck; you must shift your focus toward smaller, manageable steps.

Serendipitously, while writing this blog post, I randomly pulled up this video on YouTube and highly recommend you watch it because it’s literally what I’m explaining.

Q: Do you perceive situations as personal?

One of the profound shifts in managing depression is altering how you perceive the situations around you. It’s a sensitive topic, but understanding that depression often fuels an overly internal focus is a crucial step. The condition intensifies the belief that external events are directed at you, making everything feel deeply personal when the truth is most things are not. While this shift in perception isn’t an instantaneous choice, it’s a gradual realization that with time and effort, you can choose how you engage with the depressive lens and opt for a more balanced, less personal, self-focused viewpoint.

Q: Am I generating unnecessary stress?

When depressed, you find yourself in a self-defeating narrative where you’re the perpetual victim. This mentality generates undue stress in your life. For example, I’d knowingly make unhealthy dietary choices that I knew would worsen my mood. Eating poorly made me feel physically bad and bad about feeling bad, doubling my depression’s impact. The realization was clear; I added unnecessary stress by consciously engaging in actions that I knew were detrimental to my well-being and then choosing to perceive myself as a victim of my choice.

Reject the notion that enduring unnecessarily stressful situations is a sign of strength or virtue, especially due to poor decision-making and a lack of boundaries. Creating a protective environment that minimizes stressors and promotes mental health is vital. Period.

Q: Am I ruminating?

Depression often leads to endlessly replaying and overanalyzing our thoughts, keeping us in a never-ending loop. Picture it: you, wrapped up like a burrito in the darkness of your room, revisiting past events from 1996, mulling over what you should have said or how someone treated you poorly. The key to breaking free from this cycle was understanding that I was not my depression. I began treating my depression as a separate entity. And the remedy for rumination? Action.

Here’s the deal – waiting to feel better is not the way out, especially when your natural mood is lower due to various factors. You might never naturally feel like doing something so act first. Replace rumination with action, even if it’s a small step. Don’t wait to feel different – take action first, and the feelings will follow.

Q: Am I too focused on the past and/or the future?

Depressed minds often dwell in the past or project anxiously into the future, all while neglecting the only moment we have – the present. Your body resides in the now, even if your mind drifts elsewhere. This separation between mind and body is a significant player in your depression. I had to teach myself to return to the present, to see time not as a linear path of past, present, and future but as a succession of current moments. Now is all I have. By embracing the now and making conscious choices in the present, I am rewriting the effects of my past and shaping a different future. I do this by making tiny, daily choices today, right now, and bringing my mind back whenever it tries to wander away and globally catastrophized.

Q: Are my expectations unrealistic?

I realized many of my problems were rooted in my unrealistic expectations for life, the outcomes of various situations, and how life should unfold. Why was this the case? I hadn’t been modeled healthy possibilities and communication, a growth mindset, or emotional regulation. I grew up with expectations that were unrealistic, unhealthy, depressing, and destined to fail.

These unrealistic expectations became a filter through which I perceived everything. But here’s the kicker: when these expectations inevitably weren’t met, I’d become frustrated, upset, and, most often, even more depressed.

These unrealistic expectations have a significant impact on our relationships. If you expect more love, kindness, understanding, and emotional connection than the other party can offer, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment by returning to them and asking for it. It’s not always about intention; sometimes, it’s about capacity. Sometimes, people or situations have reached their limit, and no matter how hard you squeeze, they can’t give more than they have. If you keep going back to dry wells, expecting to find water, begin to recognize that your expectations are unrealistic, resulting in predictable and depression-inducing disappointment. Adjusting your expectations can make a difference in our journey to manage depression.

The video I recommended above also does an amazing job of explaining this phenomenon.

Q: What do I need right now?

I ask myself, “What do I need right now?” One effective way to explore my needs is by running through my senses. What do I need to see? What do I need to hear? What do I need to smell? What do I need to feel? What do I need to taste? What do I need to perceive? You can start self-soothing and regulating your emotions by addressing these sensory aspects.

For example, you might turn on the lights or sit in the sun to improve what you see. You can play your favorite music or request a loved one to speak words of comfort if that’s what you need to hear. Fragrances can also play a role; lighting a scented candle or using a diffuser can help. Your taste buds may sometimes require a glass of water or a snack. And lastly, think about what you need to touch – perhaps changing your outfit or surrounding yourself with something comforting.

But there’s also a sixth sense – perception. What do you need to perceive right now? Do you need to feel seen, heard, or valued? It’s essential to ask these questions and provide the answers for yourself. Remember that your needs may differ from someone else’s, and that’s okay. The key is to take responsibility for meeting those needs rather than waiting for others to do it for you.

It’s all about choosing to prioritize your well-being. It’s time to save yourself – others may align with you, but ultimately, you are your best advocate. Start asking one more question and make your choices to heal and thrive.”

. . .

I hope you find these tips helpful on your journey to a more managed mood. Commit to improving your depression one step at a time. You deserve it.

🤎 If you know someone living with depression, share this post with them.

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You’re welcome. 🍍✨

. . .

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