Call me strange, but I absolutely love going to my therapist! He is so good at what he does (like challenging my thinking & equiping me to be victorious over it ) and I'm more than happy to share with you all in the hopes that it will help someone (and in turn continue to free me up as well … "liberty" remember?).
During my last session he mentioned that what I was describing to him concerning what I do sounded like "ennui". I had no clue what he was talking about so when I got home I looked it up (meaning I Googled "onwee" and thank God it showed up LOL!).
Ennui (pronounced ahn-nwee) is a French word meaning "a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest".
Basically it means extreme boredom.
The more I think of it the more I can say ABSOLUTELY, that is EXACTLY what I feel and have always felt. I cannot recall a time where I was not bored with my job and even my schoolwork. So much so that I assumed that was how it had to be … no seriously. It wasn't until he said what he said that I started to think "Huh? You mean I can choose to do something that doesn't make me feel like my brain is slowly dripping from my head in some kind of sick torture ritual?".
It may seem SHOCKING to read but yes, I have always been bored senseless with my work and prior to that with my areas of study. They have rarely been challenging to me and, come to think of it, they were not what I wanted to study/do either (I fought the input of others and the input of others won ). I get up everyday assuming this is how it has to be.
Ennui … sweet, wonderful word Ennui … that sums the past 18 years so perfectly … that says "you are not the only person feeling this feeling Roshini" that says "you don't have to experience me, you can choose something else" and encapsulates an entire life experience into 5 little letters I can then choose to counteract.
Until next time Glam Fam I wish you
Life, Liberty & The Pursuit of Nappyness,