Lessons from Life’s Dark Moments (Adversity)

Recently, I found myself in the midst of such a challenging period involving my son’s health including respitory failure, a broken leg, an infection, and poor treatment by professionals. I want to share the valuable lessons I’ve learned.

1. The Importance of Effective Communication

One of the most significant takeaways from these trying times has been the importance of effective communication. As someone who has devoted time to refining my ability to communicate about complex and nuanced topics, I discovered that clear and open communication can be a lifeline during adversity.

Often, we assume others can read our minds or intuitively understand our needs, but mature communication involves expressing ourselves while actively listening to others. I’ve learned to navigate these conversations with medical professionals, school officials, and those involved in my son’s care.

2. The Art of Advocacy

Another lesson I’ve learned is the art of advocacy. When you’re intimately familiar with your situation and the needs of your loved ones, it’s essential to stand up for what you believe is right, even in the face of resistance. Advocacy is not always easy, but it’s a vital part of ensuring the best possible outcome during challenging circumstances.

Whether you’re advocating for your child’s well-being or your own, it requires determination, unwavering support, and a willingness to confront challenges head-on. In my journey as a mother, I’ve had to advocate fiercely, and it’s a skill I’ve come to appreciate and that has ultimately resulted in a healthier child overall.

3. Gratitude and Appreciation

Amid adversity, I’ve experienced firsthand the incredible impact of gratitude and appreciation. Challenges have an uncanny way of highlighting the amazing people who step in to help. I’ve been deeply grateful for the medical professionals and the support I’ve received during these challenging times.

It’s easy to take those who work in critical fields for granted, but adversity has heightened my appreciation for their dedication and hard work, especially in the wake of a global pandemic. Recognizing and acknowledging their efforts has become an essential part of my journey.

Adversity has also highlighted the need to be grateful for personal moments, large and small, that we tend to take for granted. Realizing that they are not promised immediately brings my mind toward being present in the small moments, maximizing them no matter what they are, and being intensely grateful that I get to live them.

4. Clarification of Priorities

These dark moments led to a rapid clarification of my priorities. When life throws curveballs, it quickly becomes evident what truly matters. My family’s health, my own well-being, and my son’s needs became crystal clear as top priorities. The extraneous noise of life fell away, leaving me with a resolute focus on what truly matters.

This revelation serves as a reminder to build a life that aligns with these core priorities and values, even in the face of adversity. Sometimes, it takes challenges to remind us of what’s most important and then use that reminder to move forward creating a life that elevates those things.

5. Learning to Flow

While many people talk about resilience and bouncing back from difficulties, I’ve discovered that true strength often lies in our ability to flow through adversity. Life’s challenges have a way of encouraging us to be in touch with our emotions, to be unapologetically ourselves, and to embrace the ebbs and flows of life.

Societal expectations, especially for the trope of the “strong black woman, often encourage and celebrate us for being resilient and unyielding, but I’ve found strength in my ability to be soft, to ask for help, and to express when I’m not okay. Instead of aspiring to be tough, I embrace the idea of flowing like water through the ever-changing challenges life presents.

6. The Power of Empathy and Compassion

Adversity has also illuminated the significance of empathy and compassion. We never truly know what someone else is going through, and I’ve had the privilege of experiencing both sides of this spectrum. Being met with empathy and kindness has made a world of difference during these dark moments, while encountering those who lack it has been a stark contrast.

Choosing to show up with compassion and kindness, even when faced with adversity, can make a significant impact on our interactions with others and the overall experience of going through challenging times. For me, it’s less about reacting to others in difficult moments and more about deciding beforehand who I want to show up as (kind, empathetic, compassionate), then being her.

7. Problem-Solving Abilities

If I was unaware of my superior problem-solving and project-management skills before this, I am no longer unaware. Challenging situations have honed my problem-solving abilities. Managing complex situations, juggling multiple tasks, and overcoming obstacles have become second nature. These newfound problem-solving skills have been invaluable in navigating adversity and becoming stronger on the other side.

8. Ask for Help

Perhaps one of the greatest revelations during this experience has been the realization that it’s okay to ask for help. As a society, we often praise the strong black woman trope, but it has its limitations. I’ve come to embrace the idea that I can ask for assistance, express vulnerability, and seek support when needed.

The lessons I’ve learned during these dark moments have been transformative. They’ve influenced the way I communicate, provided a fresh perspective, deepened my sense of gratitude, clarified my priorities, and encouraged me to flow. Life is a continuous journey filled with challenges, and instead of waiting for the waves to calm down, I’ve learned to surf them. These lessons serve as a reminder that life is about embracing the full spectrum of experiences and growing stronger through them.

May you too find your own set of valuable lessons in the midst of life’s challenges and use them to navigate a brighter path forward.

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You’re welcome. 🍍✨

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